Monday Listicles: (un)resolute

Well actually in Abu Dhabi, it’s Wednesday now, so I’m a tad off the mark in terms of the whole “Monday” thing.  Good thing I haven’t resolved to be more prompt this year; I’d hate to have blown it before the end of the first week of 2012.  Stasha and Theresa, from This Mountain Momma, have collaborated on a topic that seems utterly relevant: resolutions we have no intention of keeping, pretty much ever. Or at least not in this particular lifetime.

Herewith:

1. Give up cheese
I grew up in northern Illinois, where it’s not a meal unless a dairy product is involved.  If I gave up cheese I might starve.

2. Give up sunbathing
The damage has been done: hours and hours and days of baking in the sun, slathered in baby oil and sometimes holding a it foil-wrapped album cover under my face to make sure that every inch of me got baked (remember albums? So much more useful than a CD and way more useful than an MP3 file).  Now I live in perpetual summer– my only concession is a face cream with SPF.

3. Give up bread and bread-related products
I’d rather sell my children.

4. Stop spending so much time with this newfangled Internet thing.
But then who would I talk to?

5. Learn to meditate.
Love all that stillness and focus, concentrating only on the breath–was that a ding announcing a new message? Did someone comment on my last post? Do we need milk? More cheese?

6. Learn to scuba  dive.
Confession: the idea of being in all that water scares me. Plus did you see that movie? Plus sharks. Plus weird tentacly things.

7. Accept that the Kardashians deserve all the attention heaped on them by the media.
It would be easier to believe that the world is flat or that the Easter Bunny is real.

8. Learn to troubleshoot my own tech problems.
But if I did that, then what would Husband do for fun? He wouldn’t be able to mock me, or sigh in a long-suffering way, so for his sake, I will maintain my learned helplessness.

9. Give up my love affair with my iPhone & be friends with my little Nokia clamshell.
Ha! The new one–iPhone4S (I like to think of it as iPhone 4 Steve) is out finally in Abu Dhabi, so pretty much right after I write this post, I am hauling ass to Etisalat (the AD phone company) to get myself a new iPhone that will work here. Anyone have any suggestions for new apps?  And do we think that Siri will speak to me in Arabic?

10.  Stop making resolutions.
But I love lists! If I were brave, I’d make a list like Eden Kennedy (that’s the Fussy lady), and commit to loving everyone and tell the truth, but I think that is too much for me. How about I just resolve to stop yelling at my children. Or at least, I won’t yell at them on an hourly basis. How about once a day? That’s a resolution I might be able to keep.

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10 Responses to Monday Listicles: (un)resolute

  1. Stasha January 4, 2012 at 7:24 pm #

    I composed myself long enough to finish reading your list but I am back to laughing uncontrollably over the MP3 thing…
    I once had one of those posh UV light scans at the spa that reveal sun damage on your face. I am one big freckle. So when the beautician gave me the treatment plan I went straight to the pool, sat down in the lounge chair, sunbathed all day and drowned my troubles in cocktails. They did serve them with umbrellas. Might be too late for me, but my cosmopolitans had all the protection they deserved!

    • Deborah Quinn January 4, 2012 at 11:28 pm #

      I’m sure those little umbrellas did a great job shading you! And now you live in a world filled with shades of grey, so your skin will be fine! See, it all works out in the end, right? Sometimes I feel sorry for our kids, who will never know the joy of perusing an album cover…and what about all those out-of-work cover artists? sigh.

  2. jacqui January 4, 2012 at 7:30 pm #

    I think it’s sweet that you let your husband troubleshoot the tech problems for you just to make him happy. I hope he appreciates what a great wife he has.

    • Deborah Quinn January 4, 2012 at 11:26 pm #

      Thank you! I will tell him you said so! I really think he doesn’t appreciate the lengths I go in order to make him feel needed!

  3. Mommy2¢ January 4, 2012 at 9:25 pm #

    Haha! I’m with you on the cheese thing. Growing up in southern Illinois, it wasn’t much different. Oh, and I’m still rockin an iPhone 3gs, so you’re going to be waaay ahead of me… even in Abu Dhabi!

    • Deborah Quinn January 4, 2012 at 11:26 pm #

      where in SoIll are you from? funny how that dairy habit sticks with us–but truly, is there anything better than a lovely cheese-and-cracker?

  4. Sweaty January 4, 2012 at 9:48 pm #

    I would never ever be able to meditate! For obvious reasons. Like iPhones. Speaking of iPhone 4… I waaaaant one!

    • Deborah Quinn January 4, 2012 at 11:24 pm #

      it’s funny how attached i am to this phone, especially since I am NOT a gadgety type person. Clearly I am also not a meditate-type person, either!

  5. Audrey January 5, 2012 at 12:06 am #

    Bahahahahaha! I think your list has too many give ups! You should just take in more instead! And I totally want and iphone!

  6. Cookie's Mom January 5, 2012 at 5:45 pm #

    I just love your style, Deborah. If you lived closer, I’d invite you over for a glass of wine and we’d collaborate on a book. Now for a working title: Surviving motherhood: All you need is carbs… sarcasm and mockery don’t hurt either!

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