The question came unexpectedly, as these questions always do. He’s a pre-teen, so probably I should’ve known it was coming, but of course, I’d wanted to pretend this day would never come. He’s been curious, looking around a little, bit, and I knew he’d noticed, but I’d blinded myself about the depth of his curiosity. Continue Reading →
It’s Monday evening here in AbbadabbaDu, so I’m still under the wire for an actual Monday Listicle (as opposed to a Tuesday-in-the-Middle-East-Monday-night-US Listicle). Today’s topic is: my life in song, a topic picked by Bruna over at Bees With Honey.
My life in song? A medley that starts with long-haired folkies, morphs into midwestern hair bands, detours into the cul-de-sac known as the 80s, then shakes itself out into…well I don’t know. Let’s just say that when I’m trying to cook in my awful congealed-oatmeal colored kitchen, I often stream WMVY on my computer. It’s great sing-along music–plus I get to hear about the wintery weather, the wait-lists at the ferry docks, and the various goings-on all over the island. Music and cognitive dissonance, all at the same time.
1. Buffy Sainte-Marie. I think maybe only about ten people in the world ever listened to this record and most of them lived on communes in the North Woods. I have no idea why this record floated into my parents’ staid suburban home (I blame their hippy siblings), but I loved it. Had no idea what any of it meant, but I loved it (and her hair).
2. Another long-haired hippy chick: Joan Baez. Yeah. I was seven. Do the math. At least I’m not as old as she is. I played the grooves off this thing (grooves are things that used to exist on things called records, for those youngsters in the reading audience). She sang one of my favorite songs, “The Night They Drove Old Dixie Down,” on “The Midnight Special” — which I wasn’t old enough to stay up and watch. So nice of youtube to allow me youth’s forbidden fruit.
3. My growing-up summers were spent in Northern Michigan–not on a commune, except I guess in a way it was: one house, four aunts, twenty cousins, a lot of wine-in-a-box. For a while we had a record player at the house (this was a big deal, given that there was no television–or at least not until my grandparents wanted to stay abreast of the Watergate hearings). Of course, we had a record player and only one record. Or at least, I only remember one record, which played pretty much continuously for about ten years.
When he died, my mom cried. It was the first time I realized that singers and famous people were real–and thus, mortal.
4. The first real “rock-n-roll” song I ever knew the words to was “Black Betty,” and I wish I could say it was the original Leadbelly tune. But no. It was the of-course-you-remember-them Ram Jam. 1977. Bad era for hair, male and female; I was in sixth grade and miserable. But oh that Black Betty. I felt so cool knowing the words–and knowing that they were somehow inappropriate. Much the same way that Caleb now wiggles around to Kesha’s “Tick Tock” and in-between saying he wants to “wake up like P Diddy” says “what’s a P Diddy?”
5. High school. The early 1980s. I went to highschool in the same town that spawned Cheap Trick, so “Surrender” might as way serve for at least some of those dark years.
6. I took Latin for all four years of high school; three years of French; AP English, History, Economics…and dated boys who thought that the pinnacle of culture–and a good birthday present–would be tickets to see these guys play together.
Yes. That is Ozzy Osbourne, pre-lovable-reality-TV-dad and more a bite-the-head-off-bats kind of guy. One of those hairdos belongs to Randy Rhoads, an apparently awesome guitarist (this fact was lost on me), who died a little while after we saw him in concert. When I was first teaching high school and trying to corral a class of mainstreamed special ed kids (including a boy named Tony who was about a foot taller and seventy pounds heavier than me, and was on his second tour of 9th grade), I told them that I saw Randy Rhoads play before he died. They were like totally impressed.
7. I escaped high school with my life, barely, and hightailed it to college. Women’s college, New England…yep. There was a lot of Joni Mitchell, clove cigarettes, and Indian patterned skirts. And Joan. Not to be confused with Joni. Joan made us stand up and sing, jump around, hug each other and swear to be friends forever. Joan made us love ourselves and our padded-shoulder outfits and our permed hair and our pointy faux-jazz shoes. This is not the soft R&B smoochy smoochy Beyonce song. This is ME MYSELF I. Loud and dancing.
8. God, college. The endless packs of cigarettes, cups of coffee, conversations about all of it, and occasional studying. There was some Marshall Crenshaw, “Someday, Someway,” a lot of Elvis Costello, and a little Boston band called the Del Fuegos. We all had a crush on the lead singer, then forgot about him…and then he surfaced in our lives, decades later. You probably know him too. Heck, maybe you even have a crush on him now. And that would be fine. Whatever gets you through the morning. Yes, that would be Dan Zanes, he of the wacko hairdo and funky kids music:
9. Let’s fast-forward, shall we ? Skip over the Sinead O’Connor, The Cure, U2, Bruuuuuce. Let’s zoom past high-school teaching, bad break-ups, graduate school, even worse break-ups, then happiness, a soul-mate, and then…children and the particular brand of hell known as:
Even looking at this makes me break out in a rash. Although OMG did you hear? They fired the yellow wiggle. Out. Bam. On his daughter’s birthday, no less. Doesn’t seem very Wiggle-worthy, does it?
10. And now? All these years and records music later? Well. We’ve been singing along to Adele in the car, and the boys dance around to crap music like Kesha and Katy Perry. I thought maybe the song for now should be the Talking Heads’ “Road to Nowhere,” but that’s gloomier than I actually feel; and then I thought maybe “Once in a Lifetime,” but that’s pretty gloomy too. So I think my song for right now will be the song that makes me heave into a trot on the treadmill these days: “The Cave” by Mumford and Sons. Here’s a clip of them playing at last year’s Grammys.
What can I say? I’m a sucker for a well-played banjo, a strong rhythm section and a soupcon of brass. I guess I’ve come full circle (or not moved at all): toddler-sized folkie to middle-aged hippie with earrings too long for her age. Ah well.
So that’s it. A sound track for the life thus far. Now ‘scuse me while I go dance around a bit.
When Liam and Caleb were little, they both loved Going on a Bear Hunt. Remember that?
Going on a bear hunt.
We’re going to catch a big one.
What a beautiful day!
We’re not scared!
And then there’s the long tall grass to get through, swishy-swashy; and the mud, squelch-squerch…and pretty much every other obstacle known to human kind, each with its own sound effect.
And the refrain, of course is “we can’t go over it, we can’t go under it… oh no! We’ve got to go through it!”
They do get through it, find a bear, are afraid of the bear, run back through all that crap, and climb into bed with the covers over their heads. Very satisfying. Except for the poor bear, who is left alone to wander the seashore.
I’m thinking about bear hunts these days as older son tries to adjust to his new school. It’s his second new school in six months–not easy to do, by a long shot, I know–and he’s pretty clear that we’ve ruined his life. I don’t have the heart to tell him that he’s only eleven. The life-ruining hasn’t even begun. Wait till he’s sixteen and I show up at some party where he’s all cool with the hair gel and the soccer jersey and then I trill from the front hall that it’s time to come home and practice the euphonium. That will be life-ruining.
He has forgotten the lesson of the bear hunt. He can’t believe that he won’t be in the middle of a rocky transition forever. As far as he’s concerned, his new school is an abysmal failure, a prison, a nightmare from which he will never, ever awake. And we’ve ruined his life.
School is stupid and British spelling is stupid and English history is stupid and oh by the way, we ruined his life.
Here’s the thing about Liam: he hates not knowing. He’s a perfectionist in pretty much everything and as a result of that (says moi, armchair shrink), when he explodes because of all the pressure he puts on himself, he explodes BIG and DRAMATICAL and WITH BAD WORDS. Let’s keep in mind that his mamma is a card carrying member of the Good Enough Club and Husband aims for perfection but then he can’t ever remember where he put it, so we’re both quite puzzled about Liam’s need to be perfect. Fortunately–or unfortunately–he often comes quite close: perfect report cards; chosen for this honor or that selective program or that elite soccer squad. He works hard; he pushes himself; he’ll kill himself trying to get something right. And also manages to be goofy and silly and dance around in his underpants to Kesha songs.
“Passionate” is the word I always use for Liam and I am reminded again, in these past few weeks, that passion is a double-edged emotion. The highs are really, really high, and the lows are cataclysmic. He’s in a cataclysmic low right now as he tries to suss out the new system, tries to remember that gray is now grey, and color is now colour. There have been sinkers–not quite as epic as when we first arrived in Abu Dhabi, but close–and as usual, I try to deal with them with some ad hoc mixture of empathy, firmness, listening, berating, whispers, shouts, hugs, threats, and bribes.
Yes. My parenting has lacked consistency lately. Thanks for that insight. And Husband and I aren’t always on the same parenting page at the same time, which adds a whole ‘nother level of wonderfulness to the situation: he wants to cajole when I want to be firm; he berates when I want to offer hugs. I don’t know if we’re complementing each other or just muddying the already swirling waters.
I am trying to remember my own bear hunt lessons, oh yes I am. I tell myself we’ve just got to get through all this swishy-swashy grass–and my sister (so wise and yet…younger. How can that be?) reminds me (and I then remind Liam) that it won’t be like this forever. But. When your adorable boy in his navy blue blazer is whisper-screaming at you that you’re an idiot and (say it with me) you’ve ruined his life–in the elevator of our building–with other people on the elevator- AT 6:50 IN THE MORNING…well, let’s just say it’s hard to hang on.
For a brief nano-second I thought, what if I just smacked him? Just flipped his cheek with my hand to jolt him out of his hysteria?
I didn’t flip his cheek. In a triumph of will over emotion, I hugged him close and told him it wouldn’t be like this forever.
I am not sure he believes me. I am, after all, the woman who has ruined his life.
Going through it. That’s the thing that sucks, about life and bear hunts, both.
this post is linked up with the new improved (probably lemon-scented) blog formerly known as lovelinks: yeah, write. so yeah, right, click on over, read some fabulous writing, then come back later in the week and vote vote vote.