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here we are…year two and year fourteen

The eagle has landed. Elvis is back in the building.We are back in Abu Dhabi.

We got back to Abu Dhabi last night: four people, eight suitcases, eight carryons, a duty-free bag o’booze, and assorted aches and pains from sleeping where god didn’t intend people to sleep: 37,000 feet above sea level.

Okay, it’s a lot of bags, but it’s nothing compared to the entrance we made last year, which I’m sure the luggage handlers are still talking about with horror. But yes, vows were made about packinglessnextyearforsure.

We spent today, the 29th, in a blur of jet-lagged exhaustion, exacerbated, in my case, by the fact that Caleb came into our bedroom about every thirty minutes, starting at 1:30 to loud-whisper MOMMY I DON’T WANT TO GET JET LAG. By 3:30, all vestiges of patience had worn off and I snapped: “you HAVE jet lag. THIS is jet lag and what do you want me to do about it?” Then, mommy remorse set in, I let him clamber into our bed and taught him how to count sheep in order to lull himself to sleep. Although in his case, he counted lego figures rather than livestock. I lay there and wondered at what age a person could responsibly give a child an Ambien. Or half an Ambien?

But of course, we don’t have any Ambien, so my musings were purely theoretical.  When I told a friend today about my drug dilemma, he said “did you try Bambien? That’s Ambien for kids.”

Bambien. Josh, you’re fucking brilliant. Call Big Pharma in the morning and pitch that sucker.

We tottered through the day and took the boys to dinner at Olivella’s, the pizza place that opened near our apartment, which the boys claim is almost as good as what they have in New York. And walking home, through the damp soft air of an Abu Dhabi summer night, we saw a lopsided moon rising between the buildings.

Husband pointed to the moon. “That’s a gibbous moon,” he said to the boys. And then we laughed.  A long time ago, on a New York evening, a similarly lopsided moon rose over a different set of buildings, on one of our first dates. “That’s a gibbous moon,” I said to him. Husband, being an English professor and general all-around smarty-pants, scoffed at the word “gibbous” having anything to do with moons. Reader, he didn’t believe me. But dear reader? Words are my thing – and love the word gibbous. When he realized that I was right, Husband says he had the first flash that maybe he’d met his match.

And match we did. Fourteen years ago, we got married. I don’t remember if it was a gibbous moon that night, but matching my words with his was one of the smartest choices I’ve ever made.  Happy anniversary, Husband: our second year of Abu Dhabi life, our fifteenth year of marriage, yet another gibbous moon. It’s going to be a good year.

Photo Credit: DAVID NUNUK/SCIENCE PHOTO LIBRARY

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Read full story · Comments { 15 } on August 29, 2012 in Abu Dhabi, family, marriage, Travel

monday’s listicle: a list for husbands

Because of traveling and work and just general life, I’ve missed a few listicles, which I swear to god keeps me awake at night – will Stasha hate me, I wonder?  But now the semester is over, so I’m climbing back on the listicle bandwagon – and this week’s topic is a doozy: a list for husbands.  How to tackle such a topic, especially when one’s Husband is perfect, the very model of a modern man? (Cue Gilbert and Sullivan here).  I mean, a person might write a list itemizing all the ways in which her partner’s shortcomings make her realize that the only reasons swans can mate for life is because they neither speak nor wear socks – but humans are not so lucky.

My sweet husband, however, in our almost fifteen years of marriage (how in god’s name we’ve been married this long seems impossible, given that we’re both only 29), has perfected any number of important staying-married skills.  Here are a few high points for other husbands (or wives, whichever seems appropriate).

1. Husbands do not wake their wives up for sports.  Husband loves the New York Rangers with a deep and abiding passion. He is a Fan. I am not a Fan, or a fan, or even someone who particularly likes hockey. Nevertheless, I am aware that having the Rangers in the Stanley Cup playoffs is a Seriously Big Deal. I mean, the last time that happened was in the previous century, for god’s sake.  Stanley Cup Playoffs is the good news. The bad news? We live nine time zones away, which means that in order to watch the games, Husband gets up at ungodly hours of the morning: 3:30, 4:00, 2:00.  Here’s how much he loves me: the nights (or mornings) he’s going to watch the game, he sleeps on the couch in the TV room because his darling wife has become an insomniac and if he stirs out of bed at 3AM, she will wake up and never go back to sleep. This will make her grumpy. She has been known to bite when she is tired.

2. Husbands offer unconditional tech support with little or no explanations. Yes, I know, I know, I should learn how to do various techy things myself but really? I don’t want to and it gives you such pleasure…just download, install, sync, upgrade. There is no need to explain your decisions to me; you’re the one who reads Wired. I have nothing to offer in this conversation.  (And for all those times I haven’t said thank you? Thank you.)

3.  Husbands offer unsolicited compliments, foot rubs, and gifts. These things do not all have to happen at the same time – sequentially is fine, but unsolicited is key.

4. Husbands remind their partners that “hot” doesn’t always have to refer to feverish children, soup, or last night’s leftovers. Husbands should also be aware that sometimes “hot” really DOES mean children, soup, leftovers, and that maybe it’s a good night to watch reruns of last year’s Premier League games.

5. Husbands know these things: how to make a crisp G&T; how find joy playing with their offspring; and that the grosser elements of housekeeping (clogged drains, clogged toilets, dead bugs, live bugs) will be his domain. Continue Reading →

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Read full story · Comments { 9 } on May 22, 2012 in Abu Dhabi, family, marriage, Monday Listicle

Fifty Shades…

So I read a fairy tale the other day.  Actually, three fairy tales. A trilogy about a young girl who meets a handsome stranger with a dark secret. They fall in love (you knew that was coming, right?), overcome a variety of obstacles, banish inner demons, get married, and have babies.  Happily ever after and all that. Continue Reading →

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Read full story · Comments { 31 } on March 2, 2012 in Books, marriage, pop culture, sex

monday listicles: sentimentality enclosed

Valentine’s Day today.  Excessive pink sentiment has pervaded even here: stores filled with heart-shaped chocolates, kids exchanging valentines at school…men scurrying through the streets clutching bouquets.

Stasha says today’s list is about “things you love,” so I thought I’d tell you about my Valentine’s Day:

1. Was awakened by smiling children already dressed for school, each carrying a home-made valentine’s card for me.

2. Shuffled into the kitchen where Husband had made breakfast and coffee and in a serious sign of affection, prepared the lunch-boxes.

3. Taught my classes, met students, and then spent the afternoon getting a luscious pedicure.

4. Came home to a beautifully prepared meal, a bottle of champagne, and a spotless house.

Oh.

Wait.

Sorry. Wrong movie. Hear that scratching sound? Yeah, that’s the tape re-winding.

1. Wake up to my alarm and a silent apartment.

2. Roust sleeping children who grumble but who are also delectably soft and cuddly.

3. Shuffle into the kitchen. Make coffee. Wonder why I ever got in the habit of making my children a hot breakfast every day. Idiot. Why don’t I just serve them baggies of cold cereal they can eat dry, on the bus to school? Realize that because they have such pathetic diets (if I were a French mother, I wouldn’t have this problem, naturellement), breakfast is the only meal where I can pack nutrients into their bony bodies.

4. Remember I have to drive them to school instead of have them take the bus. Dress in a hurry, hope my earrings match, grab my materials for class, hope I’ve not forgotten anything, get in the elevator to the lobby, remember I forgot my phone, go back up to the apartment, back down to the lobby, into the car, battle traffic, get kids to school on time.

5. Drive back from school after a meeting, battle traffic, find a parking place on campus, get to my own class with five minutes to spare.

6. Teach. Am brilliant. Or might have been brilliant. Have no real idea what the hell I was talking about, but the students were writing it down.

7. Drive to a meeting. Drive back to the school to pick up a child from sports practice. Drive home. Begin to help other child with some kind of clay mountain-building project for geography class.

8. Make dinner for children. Husband does not have dinner; he is packing for a five-day departure trip to Australia.

9. Bid adieu to Husband. Tell him I hope our children don’t become completely feral in his absence.

10. Put children to bed. Remember that I need to write a blog post and prepare for class. Decide that a glass of wine at this point would ensure that neither of these tasks get done.

11. Find beautiful necklace and earrings that Husband left me as a Valentine’s Day present.

12. Remember the other day, when he drew this in the sandy dust of a table where we were going to have lunch:

Husband is much better at “we” than I am.  It’s one of the many, many reasons why I am still glad he’s my valentine.

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Read full story · Comments { 8 } on February 14, 2012 in Abu Dhabi, family, marriage, Monday Listicle

a new year’s lesson about marriage

New Year’s Morning. Caleb and I are walking back to our hotel from Patisserie Claude, in the West Village.  I am tired, not from too much champagne but from being awakened by the rantings of a very drunk, very angry woman in the hotel room next to ours.  Apparently her boyfriend is Satan and now we and everyone else on our floor know it.

Anyway.  We’re on the corner of Sixth Avenue when Caleb offers me these valuable insights on baby-making and marriage.

Caleb: I know why Uncle can’t get married. He doesn’t have any sperm.

Me, jolted out of late-night stupor: Wha?

Caleb: Daddy said, it had to do with a sperm bank and stuff.

Me: Wha?

Caleb: Daddy said that Uncle put the sperm in a sperm bank and then N’s mom got some because she couldn’t have a baby and she wanted one, and that’s how she got N.

Me: And so what does that have to do with getting married?

Caleb: Well Uncle’s sperm is all in the bank so he doesn’t have any left.

Me: And you need sperm to get married?

Caleb, patiently: Well YEAH, of course!  But he doesn’t have any left, so he can’t get married.

 

So there you go. This whole time I’d been thinking my bro was single because finding someone interested in settling down, in Hollywood, is sort of like expecting that Russell Brand & Katy Perry were going to last–when in fact, it’s just a sperm thing.  Glad we could clear that up for you.

 

Caleb and I are linked up to lovelinks…you should go there too and read around. Then come back on Thursday and vote for three of your favorites. Probably not as much fun as sperm donation, but hey, you can do lovelinks in your office during lunch!

 

 

 

lovelinkin.com

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Read full story · Comments { 33 } on January 1, 2012 in Children, Kids, marriage, sex