Caleb, in the bathtub, stands up and fondles his scrotum: Mommy? What’s this?
Me: um…your scrotum
Caleb: I know DAT. I mean, what’s this like marble thing inside it. Dere’s two a dem.
Me: Yes. those are your testicles. (Please don’t ask please don’t ask)—
Caleb: What are dey for?
Me: those are where your sperms comes from (please don’t ask please don’t–
Caleb: what’s sperm?
Me: sperm is what helps makes babies …okay, so now are you ready for me to wash your hair–
Caleb: how? how da sperm makes babies?
Me (inspired by the football on tv, decide to do a total end run around the question): um, well, the mommy has the eggs and the mommy and daddy decide to make a baby. So! okay, let’s finish your bath and then you can watch the new episode of “Clone Wars.”
Me (head on the side of the bathtub to hide my laughter): Um, right, eggs. But not like eggs at the farmer’s market. These are teeny, tiny, so small you need a microscope. Sperm, too. Tiny.
Caleb: so how does it work to make a baby?
Me (clutching at straws): Well. What do you think happens?
Caleb, waving his hands dismissively: I don’t know? It goes in the air and into da mommy’s tummy by her mouth?
Me (head rolling on the bathtub, snorting): Sure. And then from that teeny tiny speck comes a baby, like you were. And now look at you! You’re a big boy.
Caleb: With testy tickles.