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you mean “gun appreciation day” isn’t a joke from The Onion?

So today, in the United States, it’s Gun Appreciation Day.

Yep, that’s right folks. I hope you got a card for your gun, maybe one of those nice bouquets they have down at the Stop-n-Shop? My gun is partial to those big orange Gerbera daisies, but maybe yours is more of a lilies-and-babies-breath sort of firearm?  And of course, don’t forget the chocolates: maybe something with a little zing to it, a little pop in the chocolate sweetness?

Gosh, Gun Appreciation Day arrived so fast, didn’t it? I bet all the good restaurants are going to be booked already, dang it, which means someone is going to be all with the hurt feelings this evening that we’re not going somewhere special for “his” day.  Better make that flowers, chocolates, and a nice single-malt. I mean, what goes better with bullets than whiskey, amiright?

You know what I got as an extra treat for my gun? A little fuzzy wrap, like what people get for their dogs in the winter, as if dogs needed more protection than their own fur. I think Gun is really going to like that, especially in this cold weather.

According to the GAD website, we’re supposed to get ourselves down to the local gun shop with our constitutions, and guns, and signs that say “hands off my gun,” but you know, I’ll be damned if I can find my copy of the constitution! I’m sure I can get a copy somewhere, right? Like the gun store? Because there’s that whole “well-regulated” thing, which Gun and I aren’t ever quite clear about. I’m hoping the NRA will be sponsoring a “get to know the Constitution” booth down at the shop.

It’s hard being away from home on these special holidays; there’s just not a similar crowd here. I mean, sure, there are guns, but to get your hands on those super-groovy mega bullet clips, you have to, you know, get involved in something, like a movement or a rebellion or like the military. Which I have to say, I’ve been watching the news, and being part of those things? They seem really unhygienic. And uncomfortable–even sort of dangerous.But you know how it is outside the United States–people have no idea of what’s appropriate, at all.

So just wanted to say happy Gun Appreciation Day to everyone. Don’t let the celebration of Martin Luther King day tomorrow get in the way of you showing your gun some love, okay?  Heck, even the monkey in this picture is giving the gun some love. And if it’s good enough for a monkey, then it should be good enough for all of us, amiright?

monkey-hugging-a-gun-600x450source

 

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3 Responses to you mean “gun appreciation day” isn’t a joke from The Onion?

  1. Arnebya January 20, 2013 at 6:01 am #

    Today, at 6:42 a.m., before the sun was even up, there was a shooter and a victim celebrating Gun Appreciation Day. It’s such an important day, they had to get started early, be real about their shit.
    Arnebya recently posted..What I Wouldn’t GiveMy Profile

  2. Christie January 20, 2013 at 6:02 am #

    Are you effing kidding me?

  3. Tracy January 30, 2013 at 12:21 pm #

    http://gawker.com/5932846/american-becomes-laughingstock-of-canada-after-letter-to-editor-lamenting-lack-of-handgun-during-mild-confrontation
    These people are crazy. They need a lot more social skills before they get a gun.

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