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Tag Archives | baking

Piece of Cake…

I like to cook but I’m a crappy baker. Baking is science: I got a D in first-year bio in college.  Precision (which baking requires) is just not my thing.

But today is Caleb’s birthday; I don’t know how or where to find a store-bought cake in Abu Dhabi and his instructions (chocolate in the middle, vanilla on the outside, marshmallows on the top) would’ve defied my procuring abilities even in more familiar territory.

So. I baked. In an electric oven with spanking new cake pans from Marks & Spencer. Cake pans, I’ll have you know, that promised to be NON STICK.

This morning there was much mixing and stirring and breaking of eggs and then the apartment filled with the lovely scent of…cake. Easy-peasy, who knew, maybe I am a baker at heart.

Um…no. Cake pan number one, after waiting the requisite 10 minutes before inverting cake onto a plate:

Dammit! Chunks of cake stuck to the bottom of the non-stick pan.  Okay, though, because we still have cake pan number 2:

goddamnmotherfuckingshit.

(This is why I should never bake with children in the room).

Here is the bottom of my non-stick baking pan:

Non-stick my fat ass.

Necessity is the mother of invention, as they say, although really the saying should be mothers are the inventors of necessity.

I wadded those pan-stuck pieces of cake into the cake bits that had made it onto the plate and hoped that in a few hours the whole thing would congeal into some more vaguely cake-shaped form.  Then I whipped up a rather marvelous frosting, if I do say so myself (amazing what 1 full cup of butter and 3 cups of confectioners’ sugar will do), and big brother executed the marshmallow/chocolate design on top, as per the birthday boy’s instructions.

Et voila!

And that’s when I realized it:

Slide enough frosting on something and you can hide any multitude of sins: Frosting, basically, is the Spanx of baking.

Continue Reading · on August 24, 2011 in Children, Feminism, food

Take-All-The-Fun-Out Cookies

I needed sugar cookie dough for Christmas cookie decorating.  Had already had a morning of cooking dementia–pot of soup, two loaves of bread–and no way in hell was I making dough from scratch.  Ran to the store and got Betty’s sugar cookie mix, which actually tastes reasonably home-made (probably due to the fact that you add an entire stick of butter to the mix).

We all know, of course, that half the fun (most of the fun?) of making cookie dough is–duh–eating the batter. Betty Crocker says not so fast, whippersnappers. Fingers OUT of that bowl. Note warning label on package:

I mean really, if you can’t eat the dough, what’s the point? And what leads to such a warning being posted?  Did someone seriously die as a result of Betty Crocker sugar cookie dough?

So many questions. I pondered them all while licking the dough off the spatula.

It’s the holidays. I’m living on the edge.

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Continue Reading · on December 12, 2010 in food

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