The Onion

So today, in the United States, it’s Gun Appreciation Day. Yep, that’s right folks. I hope you got a card for your gun, maybe one of those nice bouquets they have down at the Stop-n-Shop? My gun is partial to those big orange Gerbera daisies, but maybe yours is more of a lilies-and-babies-breath sort of firearm?  And of course, don’t forget the chocolates: maybe something with a little zing to …